INTERACTION

A Frayed Knot

I missed the first half Sorry, folks, but I joined the show at a good bit. Jedward were in the sauna in their hot pants, discussing the boxy qualities of saunas. Rivetting, it was, just rivetting. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. More interesting was Kerry's account of the home invasion which put her into the Priory. Most interesting of all was Amy's reaction to the sympathy and concern directed at Kerry (after all, her tattoo may be vile and fungus like but she does not deserve claw hammers and butcher's cleavers). The very second people started asking Kerry questions about that horrible night, Amy declared they must all talk about something fun and all present responded. To Hell with humanity, the fun must go on.

jedward certainly believe that. They danced in their pixie boots and hotpants singing 'Who Let The Dog Out' for over an hour, echoing frenetically through the house. Were I in there, they'd be dead before midnight.

Lucien, either fickle or desperate, has transferred his affections to Tara. Perhaps he feels her strangulated vowels are compatible with his sibilant mutterings. Anyway, he was inspired to say he wanted to do something to Tara - he did not specify what, but I suspect that's because he isn't quite sure.
Amazingly, Jedward showed more initiative and got into bed with Amy, one on either side, like firedogs. They wore their pixie boots and Amy wore her jumbo size pink curlers. (Romance is dead!)They forebore from singing 'Who Let The Dog Out' and howling at the moon, which was something, but they did look uncomfortable.

Kerry and Lucien decided to be fun people as well and sat telling jokes. Kerry didn't laugh - she brayed. I can't think why because she could not possibly have heard the punchlines since Lucien's speech was at its most mangled, but bray she did.
They were having so much fun that Bobby was lured into telling a joke too. It was about a piece of string. yes, well...
And damn I missed the sheet task!

The sheet task was boring. Sheets when worn on the body are merely for people pretending to be ghosts, I reckon.
I like Darryn, the geezer with red hair. Has a twinkling rage about him.
The Jedward are more like characters from the Beano comic when wearing their hair tall, jouncing around like freakish friends of Lord Snooty.
When their hair is flattened – their characters seem to become more vulnerable, dare I say, more human? A phenomenon that seems to emblemise the vectors of reality TV, if not of reality itself.
This programme is a stress-test, not for banks’ liquidity in the current debt crisis, but our own debt for watching programmes like this, we as martyrs, to allow other people not to have to watch it, but still get some benefit from the ‘interest’ and the meaningful philosophy that others doubt as existing in such programmes at all. Confidence is everything. And quantitative easing.

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MY WEBSITE: www.nemonymous.com

Now We're Cooking by Gas...

Big Brother is back. At last!

Jedward were in trouble all over the place. First they left cucumber slices from their eye masks ALL OVER THE PLACE! This totally disgusted Paddy and Darryn. In fact, cleaning was on the agenda tonight. Pamela thought it would get done when it needed to get done, and she knows about these things because she gets gang members and difficult teen boys to clean up all the time. Sally was not intimidated by her certainties, not being a teenage delinquent, and organised a rota. HMs complained behind her back but were all sweetness and light and rubber gloves to her face. Apart from Jedward, that is. They went to the DR and mocked her and Pamela with a juvenile rabbit-rabbit-rabbit routine. However, there was no rabbit-rabbit when Paddy grew incandescent when a Jedward slopped the tub of coleslaw all over the newly cleaned floor and went off and left it there for someone else to clean. A nervous promise to clean it up was the Jedward response to his wrath. Not that either of them did, of course - Kerry cleaned up the mess. She should have toipped in on to ther perpendicular hair.Paddy had the right attitude but does not seem to realise that you have to stand over children.
Darryn and Paddy were at breaking point over the Brats. A great deal of irritation was expressed. The boys had their revenge by tossing Darryn's pasta bake down the toilet and then pretending they had enjoyed it. Kerry, being a mother to four children, spotted their deceit immediately and exposed them.Now, it comes, I thought, now's the moment when someone plants a boot right where it hurts, but Darryn contented himself with dark mutterings.
Another moment came and went when Jedward gave Amy a wedgie . This time the Dynamic Duo faced the combined wrath of Darryn and Paddy. Now for the boot, now, I prayed. But no. They were too aware of cameras on them, I expect.
Although no one was aware of Darryn's camera when he was on his secret mission - Paparazzi Attack. I found it hilarious when he crouched behind potted plants to snap the 'Storm In a D-cup' ( Amy dinnt geddit) and 'Get Hoff Me'. His sly determined humour was classic BB.
But there was a further joke following on from the Pap Attack. Both Sally and Tara had decried Pamela's Me-Me attitude and need to be the centre of attention. When she discovered that Darryn had been papping, she instamtly demanded to know if he had managed to get her playing baseball; then posed flat on her back like an overturned tortoise for jedwad to photograph. This sent Paddy. Sally and Darryn et al into convulsions of laughter behind the door. Me too. Pamela takes herself SO seriously.
On a serious note, Sally is now looking forward to nominating!
She said it with suchvenom.
Jedwad devised a magic trick which involved a big red box with stars on it - but they desisted when paddy invited them several times to climb into it. I think he;d have sealed the lid and left them there...
His quiet gorgeousness, Bobby, came out of his shell in a burst of self righteousness, tackling Paddy for calling Jedward 'sausage'. (What's his problem? I've called them worse than that every night since they went into the house!) Tara was also reprimanded for being two faced. He followed up with little homilies about not liking the way some people talked of others etc etc, establishing himself as Mr Nice Guy. It might have worked if he hadn't doused himself in Attar of Holier-Than-Thou. I guess it's finally dawned on him that he's up for eviction on Friday night. But he made a big mistake in calling Amy a tabloid groupie. She is the nation's sweetheart after all.
Loving it!

PS I nearly forgot Lucien's contribution to the night's events. So many people have told him that hefancies Amy that now he's beginning to wonder if he does.
Sleep on it, Lucien, sleep on it.

Yes, I agree the pieces are coming together - or apart! I've never heard of a 'wedgie' before. Nobody's given me one, as far as I know.

Lord 'Snooty' Jedward - the brilliant stars I always thought they were when I first caught them on the Eurovision Song Contest. I was pulled to pieces electronically for that view. Now everyone knows I was right. My pieces are coming together.

I don't like the filmic slickness tarting up the events, nor the instilling of brash personality into Big Brother's voice in the diary room and into Marcus's commentary. They're better off with laid-back detachment as in the earlier years of BB.

Otherwise, I can't add to Marion's truly excellent reportage.

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MY WEBSITE: www.nemonymous.com

The Serpent in Eden

Bobby is trying hard to reveal a personality (late in the day, Bobby, but better late than never). He began the evening by declaring that he is not being stimulated by anything in the house.
Des, should we email CBB and request a spell in the electric shock suit for Bobby? 20,000 volts of Scottish Power should get him ticking over. Perhaps it is this lack of stimulation that has kept him silent all week. Or perhaps he should try being stimulating for the others.
His tirade against Darryn's many flaws smacked of spite (hair, abs. teeth, age) and jealousy (cars, clothes, success, and teeth again - I think his are whiter and more expensive than Bobby's). And at the end of the evening he swept out of the garden and into a corner, lugging a barrowload of dark thoughts which he had refused to disclose to the others who had shown some concern for him.

Ah, but 'twas the weight of having to share a house with morons and boneheads which oppressed him. How, he whined, is he supposed to have a conversation with these people?
One might say the same about Bobby himself whose only claim to sparkling wit is the piece of string joke. Kerry is gross, he says, and has no status, and is a moron (sprinkle this with the expletives of your choice - he really is rather foul mouthed). And Amy Childs has disappointed him - he came in ready to fancy her but... As for the rest of the HMs - there was a lot of negativity there too.

It was an unpleasant display of rancorous superiority from a man who displays none of the characteristics he misses in the others.
But you know, I'm pleased he popped off at them like this because he released the BB magic into the air and I have come over all protective of the naughty progeny in the house. Kerry is kindly and genuine, Darryn is funny and bold and shrewd, Amy is working the house to make the most of what she's got. Who does Bobby think he is?
Darryn pegged him, Darryn the funny fat man with the pink hair, when he praised him to the skies for speaking his mind last night, then damned him as uninteresting. Bit harsh, Darryn - he did tell the frayed knot in the piece of string joke, after all - but he has a point.

Bobby's nastiness was thrown into high relief when his tirade was followed by Lucian's chat in the DR, describing Bobby, who he seems to hero worship, as cool, suave and sophisticated - and his friend. Is there a Craig Phillips moment looming perchance?

There were some little gems of scenes tonight. Pamela roasted meat in Italian dressing, much to everyone else's disgust. She puts the dressing in risotto as well. She read the entire ingredients list from the dressing label but still failed to convince that it was delicious cooked. Doubtless roasted Italian dressing is how she keeps those gang members of hers doing the housework - anything will be better than eating that. She grew quite intimidating when the others would not acknowledge her culinary expertise and Tara ended up fearful and crying (without smudging her mascara - how do the BB women manage that?)and Sally confessing premonitory visions as well. Or perhaps they were only crying over Tara's dog.

The most interesting aspect of the show tonight was the separation of Jedward. The boys had to establish their individuality and breezily skimmed round the house revealing their differences from one another. One has a scar, one likes Britney, one is taller - but it was fascinating that they could only define themselves in terms of sameness/difference to one another. And after a while, there was some genuine unease at being separated, particularly from Edward, who kept glancing at John to ensure he was actually there. And he was definitely squirming when John 'married' Amy. Hmmm...

I have been quite sure all week that Sally would go tomorow - but i wonder if Bobby has blown it. Both Kerry and Amy have legions of fans - I wish it was vote to evict instead of vote to save.

The highlights for me last night - included the most amazing TV scene ever - Darryn and Tara grotesquely mooning over the ghosts of dogs.

And Bobby talking to the outside of the diary room door instead of to Big Brother.

The Jedward, meanwhile, are in a different league. TV cannnot encapsulate them.

I wonder if we viewers should be supplied with shock-devices as suppositories for real synergy with the events inside that small box that has over-shadowed my living-room since 1953...

The 'wedding' seemed staged, fabricated, mawkish, a professional (if fundamentally unprofessional) collusion of pre-meditation between the Hms and BB. Exactly, Marion, Hmm.

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MY WEBSITE: www.nemonymous.com

Follow The Yellow Brick Road

Manic munchkins, triplet Dorothys, a feather spitting pigeon, a lonely macaw, a tearful tinman, a pretty boy witch, a snarling nasty Dorothy, a dog that howled 'O-ow-w O-w0w-fer-f**** sake'- it could only happen on Big Brother.
And alongside all that, the knives were out. yes, indeedy, razor sharp and slashing.
Bobby assigned the characters of the Wizard of Oz to his enemies with casual disdain. Amy was the brainless scarecrow with great boobs- oooh, the dismissiveness came sizzling off him. But for a girl who purports to be thick, she stuck the knife between his shoulder blades with great finesse when she went into the diary room and the garden and anywhere else where her fans might overhear her. She was wide eyed and struggling to hide the hurt when she mentioned (ably assisted by Darryn who observed that Bobby ahd b**** in the DR but not in the house) Bobby's cruelty and two facedness. Oh, I do hope her fans vote to save Sally rather than Bobby.

Darryn made a wonderful Tin Man. His inability to get his trousers fastened was a little gem; his visible disappointement when he gave up the plum sauce and pancakes so that the others might eat was another; his tears at foregoing his visit with his beautiful macaw so that Tara might hear from her beloved brought a lump to my throat.
He did not have a happy evening really. Sally had a go at him for not commiserating wth her over her nominations a week ago which proved he had no heart, she said. A week ago! I don't think he even knew her name this time last week. Over and over she repeated the charge - she's blotted her copybook a little, I think. Retaining grudges is such an unattractive trait.
As Bobby proved. Not since Maxwell's scab have we seen anything so gross in BB than his sweat collecting. He sat in that sauna like a big girl's blouse, clutching his cotton pads, working up enough sweat to put in the oilcan. Then fed it to Darryn. How gross was that? Another brooder, nursing his spite to keep it warm. Yeuch! he reminded me of the American case in which a worker was caught on CTC peeing into his colleagues tea urn. Same mentality.
And then to compound the offence by confessing to Darryn what he had done, with that silly smirk on his face, trying to maintain the pose of Mr Straight Up Nice Guy! Does he think he's fooling anyone? That was a nice revenge. To be so nasty to someone and then put him in the position of having to accept it.
The same smirk appeared when he was chatting to Kerry at the end of the show. he eld her once more into discussing her woes with her love life and smirked and smirked and smirked.
Loathsome man.

I go with all that. So utterly utterly BB - even Ch 5's irresponsible shenanigans with maintaining the audit trail could not spoil it (i.e. their watching intermittently Amy Childs in the DR *during* (not after) her mining of her own brain (as helped or hindered by a giant pigeon)).

Meanwhile, as Marion mentions, Bobby Sable's collecting of his own body sweat then instilling it into a drink that Darryn needed to consume as part of the Wizard of Oz task - was, not only gross, but very symbolic. Sin-eating. Self-poisoning (exhibitionistically to millions watching) one's own character by poisoning someone's innocent body with one's guilty body-fluids. This is symptomatic of the 'empathy problem' that increasingly besets the world today (either individually (there are medical terms for this) or in big & small groups (social networking) (rioters?) (Libya) (UK coalition government) (the blue paint splashed over Clegg last night in parallel with Bobby's sweat) - I could go on).

The Wizard of Oz set was well done, as were the costumes. And the Jedward were brilliant as Munchkins (like characters from the Beano again). The W of O is significant. Rupert Murdoch was revealed as a paltry figure from behind the screen at the Parliamentary sessions. And Stephen King's Dark Tower series, I recently read, throws much light on this W of O phenomenon.

Despite Ch 5, this CBB is delving into deepnesses of which it is possibly unaware. That's what can happen, I feel, when you mix reality with fiction in a synergy of randomness and synchronisation...

I, too, hope Bobby goes tonight. May not be able to watch it live.

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MY WEBSITE: www.nemonymous.com

Off Down The Yellow Brick Road

Eviction night at last. And it got off to a good start with Brian wearing a suit which fitted.

The Manic Munchkins were in action again, playing in the gym, one with a bra on his head. I couldn't make out whose bra it was or why it was there, but i dare say it meant something to Jedward. I am somewhat fearful for them tonight. During siesta time Chez BB, the twins decided to wake everyone up with lots of noise and lots of messy shaving foam (there's never a shock suit aound when you want one) with which Bobby was squirted. He has arranged to teach the twins to shave tomorrow - don't let him, boys. Bobby has an angry and retaliatory personality - think Sweeney Todd before you get in the chair!

Bobby thinks he has a lot more to learn in the house which is why he thinks he should be saved. Basic socialised beahviour would be worth learning although I don't know if it's worthwhile keeping him in the house for that.

Paddy failed his Toto the dog task which I thought unjust. I still treasure his 'Owww! Owww! Oh fer F**** sake'! effort.

Lucian was a happy camper tonight when Tara and Amy showed him some Dirty Dancing. He was entranced, hypnotised, mesmerised, and clueless!

Pamela's Lion task was a true test of courage as she braved the hidden spike in the row of cups. Even though I knew CBB would never let her be impaled, I jumped every time her hands were slammed down on the cups. Every time.

Sally was sent packing down the Yellow Brick Road. The only consolation was that Bobby got booed to the high heavens and he really didn't like what he heard. He'll be less pleased when he finds out there was only 1% between him and Sally.

All in all, it has been a satisfying week. As you say, Des, that may well be despite Ch5, but no matter. BB is back!

I knew CBB would never let her be impaled
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Remember Noel Edmunds and the Late Late Breakfast Show... [Having said that, I am pleased NE has regrouped and come back with genuinely the most cleverly emotionally-engaging programme ever on TV: Deal or No Deal.]

Yes, I winced each time.

Well, I was wrong. The Bercow was jounced out - she was a woman who was defeated. But the interview was a brilliant retrenchment.

Still a lot of snazzy stagings - and trick-filming - but yes, a good first week. Well, 'good' in the sense of a a BB re-fix when I thought my need for it was over. There is many a truth between lip and sweat.

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MY WEBSITE: www.nemonymous.com

Well, no change there. Moving from Ch 4 to Ch 5 doesn't prevent inscrutable rows between HMs scrambling my brain.

I'm beginning to like Amy Childs (BB's own Amy Pond). "There's nothing so random than calling Shakespeare random."

Strange how Jedward are tolerated. Or perhaps not strange at all. The other HMs know they need to keep the action moving - and Jedward are good at that. They'll put up with anything to ensure the biggest possible audience.

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MY WEBSITE: www.nemonymous.com

Away With The Fairies And Haven't Come Back

It was a night of cool:cooling relationships and demonstrations of cool. Those who were uncool looked bad.

Jedward were very cool indeed, allowing Bobby near them with a cutthroat razor. Bobby confided shyly that his growth would be back in about four hours (do men brag about that kind of thing?) but the guys were cool and unimpressed and made him look a bit silly.

Amy was uncool when bragging about all the freebies she gets - the makeup, the dresses, the 30 cans of spray tan - i mean, it doesn't get more uncool than 30 cans of tan, does it?

I'm liing Paddy more and more. He was genuinely sad at Sally's departure. 'A nice woman. Honest to god, a nice woman.' And he isn't the kind to say ii if he doesn't mean it. Cool.

Darryn also does not hide his feelings although it might be better if he did. He was very rattled when he was completing the shopping task and all the HMs were putting in their requests. (Did someone really ask about the dry cleaning?) but his response to Pamela seemed more personal that just generally irritable, if you see what I mean. Then later there was an undignified squabble over Sally's bed, whcih both pamela and Daryn tried to claim. I'm not entirely clear what was going on there, but Darryn lost the moral high ground when he called her a b***h.

However, it is dfficult to maintain sympathy for Pamela for long. She put Lucian through an equally embarrassing scene by accusing him of taking the cigarettes Sally had left for the house. In fact that wasn't the case - but whenever Lucian tried to defend himself, she cut across him by repeating over and over what she had just said, louder and louder, again and agin, till the boy was squirming. When finally he was allowed to speak, he was unable to for embarrassment. Not cool, Pamela, not cool at all.

Her DR performance was a priceless gem as she descended into Californian self-help speak, with all the cod therapy buzz words and phrases she could muster. Such sayings are a delight to me, they really are. My side of the street is CLEAN, she announced several times, and she's there for people and children (probably stray dogs and cats as well), a life too short and too fast, and silent and golden...what she was on about I have no idea but I admired the machine gun delivery and sickly smile (not one of the glam ones she had demonstrated for BB earlier in the show) as she spouted fortune cookie mottoes, completely unconnected to one another and to any discernible situation in the house. Uncool.

Jedward had a bath. Kerry was babysitting them when Edward suddenly slopped water all over the floor while playing at being a whale. Motherlike she scolded him and he instantly did it again, as toddlers will, this time splashing a bath full of water all over the floor. They slid on it, swam in it, but finally had to clean it up. They did not get the anticipated reaction. Tara said they were just kids. Paddy was mild and said they had gone to play with the fairies and hadn't come back (it's years since I last heard that one), and noone blew up. Even when they had spent 24 minutes mopping all the water up, their announcement that they had done so was ignored, so entranced were the HMs by Amy reciting Shakespeare. The Enfants Terribles were left forlorn and alone, clutching their brushes and brooms.
Tonight was the first night I have seen anything appealing in Amy. She was very amusing, cruising the house droppng Shakespeare tags into the conversation with a delicate point of the finger. THis, of course, was a task. Paddy was bewildered, Jedward came up with some proverbs of their own, but trust Bobby to quiz her about her fave Shakespeare play, clearly trying to expose her as a nitwit. I'm beginning to respect the way Amy straddles the line between playing dumb and yet winning her tasks. 'Romeo and Juliet,' she replied quick as a flash, 'but I didn't understand what was going on.' This last accompanied by a sweetly furrowed brow. Cool, Amy.

She also called 'Romeo & Juliet' 'random', which i found interesting. Perhaps she was Juliet when time travelling.
If Amy is the Pond, who is the River Song? Tara or Pamela? And who the Doctor? The Munchkin Twins will be wearing gas masks soon. (Well, anything's better than Hitler last night.]

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MY WEBSITE: www.nemonymous.com